four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
