An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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