i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
