im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
