I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
