From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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