Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
