I just made out with a guy for $7.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
