I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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