You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
