My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
