how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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