Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
