where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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