i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
