i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
