i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
