how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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