If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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