What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
