i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
