WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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