i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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