reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you had me at cake vodka
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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