We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
