Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
