How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
