I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I pour the whiskey from now on
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
