I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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