I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
