I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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