Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
