your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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