The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
