So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
