Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
