Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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