Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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