TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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