Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He did a backflip because drugs
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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