Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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