dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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