I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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