id be glad to
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
