You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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