It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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