Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
