I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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