sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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