She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
