And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
