so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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