Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
